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Look, I can take you as far as Anchorhead. You can get a transport there to Mos Eisley or wherever you’re going. Hey, Luke! May the Force be with you. Still, she’s got a lot of spirit. I don’t know, what do you think? You think a princess and a guy like me- As you wish. I can’t get involved! I’ve got work to do! It’s not that I like the Empire, I hate it, but there’s nothing I can do about it right now. It’s such a long way from here. I suggest you try it again, Luke. This time, let go your conscious self and act on instinct.

Partially, but it also obeys your commands. I want to come with you to Alderaan. There’s nothing for me here now. I want to learn the ways of the Force and be a Jedi, like my father before me. You mean it controls your actions? Obi-Wan is here. The Force is with him. Your eyes can deceive you. Don’t trust them.

Escape is not his plan. I must face him, alone.

You don’t believe in the Force, do you? Remember, a Jedi can feel the Force flowing through him. She must have hidden the plans in the escape pod. Send a detachment down to retrieve them, and see to it personally, Commander. There’ll be no one to stop us this time! The Force is strong with this one. I have you now. I have traced the Rebel spies to her. Now she is my only link to finding their secret base.

Dantooine. They’re on Dantooine. You’re all clear, kid. Let’s blow this thing and go home! Kid, I’ve flown from one side of this galaxy to the other. I’ve seen a lot of strange stuff, but I’ve never seen anything to make me believe there’s one all-powerful Force controlling everything. There’s no mystical energy field that controls my destiny. It’s all a lot of simple tricks and nonsense. Leave that to me. Send a distress signal, and inform the Senate that all on board were killed.

It’s another Header. I just love them.

All right. Well, take care of yourself, Han. I guess that’s what you’re best at, ain’t it? What?! Don’t be too proud of this technological terror you’ve constructed. The ability to destroy a planet is insignificant next to the power of the Force. The plans you refer to will soon be back in our hands. A tremor in the Force. The last time I felt it was in the presence of my old master.

The more you tighten your grip, Tarkin, the more star systems will slip through your fingers. Oh God, my uncle. How am I ever gonna explain this? You are a part of the Rebel Alliance and a traitor! Take her away! I’m surprised you had the courage to take the responsibility yourself. Alderaan? I’m not going to Alderaan. I’ve got to go home. It’s late, I’m in for it as it is. I don’t know what you’re talking about. I am a member of the Imperial Senate on a diplomatic mission to Alderaan–

Escape is not his plan. I must face him, alone. He is here. Don’t underestimate the Force. What!? I find your lack of faith disturbing.

But with the blast shield down, I can’t even see! How am I supposed to fight? I need your help, Luke. She needs your help. I’m getting too old for this sort of thing. What good is a reward if you ain’t around to use it? Besides, attacking that battle station ain’t my idea of courage. It’s more like…suicide.

“Thank the Lord”? That sounded like a prayer. A prayer in a public school. God has no place within these walls, just like facts don’t have a place within an organized religion. What’s the point of going out? We’re just going to wind up back here anyway. Books are useless! I only ever read one book, “To Kill A Mockingbird,” and it gave me absolutely no insight on how to kill mockingbirds! Sure it taught me not to judge a man by the color of his skin…but what good does *that* do me? Hi. I’m Troy McClure. You may remember me from such self-help tapes as “Smoke Yourself Thin” and “Get Some Confidence, Stupid!”

Fame was like a drug. But what was even more like a drug were the drugs. Attempted murder? Now honestly, what is that? Do they give a Nobel Prize for attempted chemistry? Fire can be our friend; whether it’s toasting marshmallows or raining down on Charlie. Oh, so they have Internet on computers now!

5 Comments View and Post Comments

  1. Liam McKay November 11, 2010

    “Thank the Lord”? That sounded like a prayer. A prayer in a public school. God has no place within these walls, just like facts don’t have a place within an organized religion. Marge, it takes two to lie. One to lie and one to listen. I hope this has taught you kids a lesson: kids never learn.

  2. Aaron Lynch November 11, 2010

    Don’t kid yourself, Jimmy. If a cow ever got the chance, he’d eat you and everyone you care about! Son, when you participate in sporting events, it’s not whether you win or lose: it’s how drunk you get. Shoplifting is a victimless crime. Like punching someone in the dark. Books are useless! I only ever read one book, “To Kill A Mockingbird,” and it gave me absolutely no insight on how to kill mockingbirds! Sure it taught me not to judge a man by the color of his skin…but what good does *that* do me?

  3. Sevenpixels November 11, 2010

    Partially, but it also obeys your commands. Look, I ain’t in this for your revolution, and I’m not in it for you, Princess. I expect to be well paid. I’m in it for the money. I need your help, Luke. She needs your help. I’m getting too old for this sort of thing.

  4. Sevenpixels November 11, 2010

    You guys realize you live in a sewer, right? [sarcastically] Is the Space Pope reptilian!? We can’t compete with Mom! Her company is big and evil! Ours is small and neutral! Oh, all right, I am. But if anything happens to me, tell them I died robbing some old man.

    Why would a robot need to drink? No. We’re on the top. She also liked to shut up!

  5. Daan Weijers November 11, 2010

    Yep, I remember. They came in last at the Olympics, then retired to promote alcoholic beverages! Perhaps, but perhaps your civilization is merely the sewer of an even greater society above you! Tell them I hate them.

    Oh, you’re a dollar naughtier than most. Okay, it’s 500 dollars, you have no choice of carrier, the battery can’t hold the charge and the reception isn’t very