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Bentley Reportedly to Expand Continental Range With Special Editions

Im allergic to bee stings. They cause me to, uh, die. Look out, Itchy! He’s Irish! A woman is a lot like a refrigerator. Six feet tall, 300 pounds…it makes ice. Hi. I’m Troy McClure. You may remember me from such self-help tapes as “Smoke Yourself Thin” and “Get Some Confidence, Stupid!” Oh, a *sarcasm* detector. Oh, that’s a *really* useful invention! Save me, Jeebus. How could you?! Haven’t you learned anything from that guy who gives those sermons at church? Captain Whatshisname? We live in a society of laws! Why do you think I took you to all those Police Academy movies?

For fun? Well, I didn’t hear anybody laughing, did you? Except at that guy who made sound effects. Makes sound effects and laughs. Where was I? Oh yeah! Stay out of my booze. The Internet King? I wonder if he could provide faster nudity… …And the fluffy kitten played with that ball of string all through the night. On a lighter note, a Kwik-E-Mart clerk was brutally murdered last night.

Oh A Sarcasm Detector

Oh, a *sarcasm* detector. Oh, that’s a *really* useful invention! Uh, no, they’re saying “Boo-urns, Boo-urns.” I don’t like being outdoors, Smithers. For one thing, there’s too many fat children. What good is money if it can’t inspire terror in your fellow man? When I held that gun in my hand, I felt a surge of power…like God must feel when he’s holding a gun. You don’t win friends with salad.

That’s About all, I think

Donuts. Is there anything they can’t do? Homer no function beer well without. Fat Tony is a cancer on this fair city! He is the cancer and I am the…uh…what cures cancer? No children have ever meddled with the Republican Party and lived to tell about it.

Marge, it takes two to lie. One to lie and one to listen. Attempted murder? Now honestly, what is that? Do they give a Nobel Prize for attempted chemistry? No children have ever meddled with the Republican Party and lived to tell about it. Don’t kid yourself, Jimmy. If a cow ever got the chance, he’d eat you and everyone you care about! “Thank the Lord”? That sounded like a prayer. A prayer in a public school. God has no place within these walls, just like facts don’t have a place within an organized religion.

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5 Comments

  1. Old people don’t need companionship. They need to be isolated and studied so it can be determined what nutrients they have that might be extracted for our personal use. You don’t like your job, you don’t strike.

  2. Beer. Now there’s a temporary solution. Fire can be our friend; whether it’s toasting marshmallows or raining down on Charlie. Save me, Jeebus.

    Fat Tony is a cancer on this fair city! He is the cancer and I am the…uh…what cures cancer? Dad didn’t leave… When he comes back from the store, he’s going to wave those pop-tarts right in your face! A woman is a lot like a refrigerator. Six feet tall, 300 pounds…it makes ice.

  3. Save me, Jeebus. Fat Tony is a cancer on this fair city! He is the cancer and I am the…uh…what cures cancer? Get ready, skanks! It’s time for the truth train!

    I hope I didn’t brain my damage. I’m allergic to bee stings. They cause me to, uh, die. What good is money if it can’t inspire terror in your fellow man?

  4. Donuts. Is there anything they can’t do? Dad didn’t leave… When he comes back from the store, he’s going to wave those pop-tarts right in your face! I’ll be back. You can’t keep the Democrats out of the White House forever, and when they get in, I’m back on the streets, with all my criminal buddies.

    That’s why I love elementary school, Edna. The children believe anything you tell them.

  5. And now, in the spirit of the season: start shopping. And for every dollar of Krusty merchandise you buy, I will be nice to a sick kid. For legal purposes, sick kids may include hookers with a cold. Fame was like a drug. But what was even more like a drug were the drugs. And here I am using my own lungs like a sucker. Stan Lee never left. I’m afraid his mind is no longer in mint condition. A lifetime of working with nuclear power has left me with a healthy green glow…and left me as impotent as a Nevada boxing commissioner. Oh, a *sarcasm* detector. Oh, that’s a *really* useful invention!

    I prefer a vehicle that doesn’t hurt Mother Earth. It’s a go-cart, powered by my own sense of self-satisfaction. [answering the phone] Ahoy hoy? Oh, everything looks bad if you remember it. Aaah! Natural light! Get it off me! Get it off me! Marge, it takes two to lie. One to lie and one to listen. Old people don’t need companionship. They need to be isolated and studied so it can be determined what nutrients they have that might be extracted for our personal use.

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