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The Alien Mothership is in Orbit

Oh, I think we should just stay friends. Calculon is gonna kill us and it’s all everybody else’s fault! Soothe us with sweet lies. Interesting. No, wait, the other thing: tedious. Come, Comrade Bender! We must take to the streets! I can explain. It’s very valuable. And from now on you’re all named Bender Jr. It’s toe-tappingly tragic! No. We’re on the top. [sigh] Ven ve voke up, ve had zese wodies. Can we have Bender Burgers again? Spare me your space age technobabble, Attila the Hun!

Your best is an idiot! Too much work. Let’s burn it and say we dumped it in the sewer. Hey, what kinda party is this? There’s no booze and only one hooker. You guys realize you live in a sewer, right? No, just a regular mistake. Fatal. Take me to your leader! I’m Santa Claus! Well, let’s just dump it in the sewer and say we delivered it. But I know you in the future. I cleaned your poop.

That’s why we love this

I’ve got to find a way to escape the horrible ravages of youth. Suddenly, I’m going to the bathroom like clockwork, every three hours. And those jerks at Social Security stopped sending me checks. Now ‘I” have to pay ”them’! Bite my shiny metal ass. Well, thanks to the Internet, I’m now bored with sex. Is there a place on the web that panders to my lust for violence? We’ll go deliver this crate like professionals, and then we’ll go home. She also liked to shut up! Is that a cooking show?

You know the worst thing about being a slave? They make you work, but they don’t pay you or let you go. For one beautiful night I knew what it was like to be a grandmother.

Aww, it’s true. I’ve been hiding it for so long. Nay, I respect and admire Harold Zoid too much to beat him to death with his own Oscar. And I’m his friend Jesus. You lived before you met me?! I could if you hadn’t turned on the light and shut off my stereo.

So What Exactly Happens Now?

Now what? Well I’da done better, but it’s plum hard pleading a case while awaiting trial for that there incompetence. Tell her she looks thin. Dr. Zoidberg, that doesn’t make sense. But, okay! No! The kind with looting and maybe starting a few fires! You’ve killed me! Oh, you’ve killed me!

Who said that? SURE you can die! [pulls out big gun] You want to die?! I’ll get my kit! You are the last hope of the universe. Leela’s gonna kill me. Professor, make a woman out of me.

The alien mothership is in orbit here. If we can hit that bullseye, the rest of the dominoes will fall like a house of cards. Checkmate. Oh Leela! You’re the only person I could turn to; you’re the only person who ever loved me. We don’t have a brig. Fry, you can’t just sit here in the dark listening to classical music. You’re going to do his laundry? You guys go on without me! I’m going to go… look for more stuff to steal!

3 Comments

  1. WPBundle

    I don’t want to be rescued. There’s no part of that sentence I didn’t like! Well, then good news! It’s a suppository. Leela’s gonna kill me. In your time, yes, but nowadays shut up! Besides, these are adult stemcells, harvested from perfectly healthy adults whom I killed for their stemcells. Really?!

    What are you hacking off? Is it my torso?! ‘It is!’ My precious torso! So, how ’bout them Knicks? Calculon is gonna kill us and it’s all everybody else’s fault! Tell her you just want to talk. It has nothing to do with mating.

  2. Liam McKay

    I’m surprised you had the courage to take the responsibility yourself. You mean it controls your actions? Dantooine. They’re on Dantooine. You’re all clear, kid. Let’s blow this thing and go home!

  3. Brandclay / Sean

    Would you censor the Venus de Venus just because you can see her spewers? Kif, I have mated with a woman. Inform the men. I can explain. It’s very valuable. Hey, you add a one and two zeros to that or we walk!

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